Spring is around the corner and for ‘all my single ladies’– loneliness may emerge, especially when we hear of the statistic that 42% of black women have never been married. What’s a single, black female to do? Well, if we assume that it’s true and think of it through ’the glass is half full’ mantra. It also says that the majority, 58% of black women have been married.
Studies like this do nothing but make women fearful of being alone, and give men too much power. Men do not have vaginas, so they do not deserve that much power. The well-educated, black man already feels like a hot commodity. He will date then bed as many of us as his heart desires. We need to flip the script. We are single today and now we can guide each other down the dating path that will end not just in marriage, but in a good one.
In an effort to make the heartache a thing of the past, I came up with this self-preservation formula. Myself and all of my many girlfriends who have been dating for years have done most of the leg work and complied a new way of thinking when trying to find the man of your dreams. It’s called the RTST formula because relationships always, always, always stem from Real Time Spent Together (RTST).
What Is Real Time: Real Time Spent Together is face-to-face interaction, while talking about goals, dreams or just your day.
What Isn’t Real Time: Spending time together when both of you are not talking, or you’re doing all the talking, or when he’s preoccupied, or when you’re both preoccupied (movies and TV watching are a good example of being preoccupied, and remember kissing and sex are too).
The RTST formula: It is like the Pythagorean theorem of dating! The RTST formula can not fail, if you pay attention. In my assessment, 50 hours of RTST is the minimum amount of time that needs to pass before a woman should get emotionally invested and physically involved with a man.
Some Exceptions to Calculating RTST:
1) Every hour of phone convo is worth only 15 minutes of RTST: Face time is of a premium because that can lead to true intimacy, therefore it is more valuable because on the phone you only share thoughts. It will take a four-hour-long conversations to equal one hour of RTST.
2) Rich man: Double the time: If a wealthy man takes you away for the weekend, you must insist on your own room. He might also want you there while he works, so you will have to deduct all that work time from RTST. Wealthy men are more in demand, so you have to set yourself apart from all of the other girls.
3) Broke man: Double the time: The broke ones have nothing but time, so you must also increase the RTST.
Here’s How To Calculate RTST: If the first date lasted about four hours, and then the both of you talked on the phone for about eight hours, keep the non face-to-face time to only a week, then you have 6 hours of RTST.
(4 hours date + 2 hours phone (8 hours/4)= 6 hours RTST)
Once you get to that 50 hour minimum, you can evaluate your relationship. Is he is still interested? Still attentive? Still respectful? If the answer to these questions is yes, then the RTST formula allows you to take the relationship to the physical level.
You may think that RTST sounds absurd, but this is about your heart! As always, know thyself! If you can have sex, like Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, with no strings attached then more power to you! But if you get all soft and fuzzy on the inside after the first date with visions of the perfect wedding day dancing in your head like Charlotte York Goldenblatt, then you need to know who you are before you start down the sex road. And all it takes is one time of wanting a real relationship when all he wants is a quickie in the backseat, for you to finally get it: men want sex always, relationships not as often. That is a fact. So now we will date, date, and then date some more. But sex? That’s reserved for serious relationships only.
You must also remember to get a life, because it’s always better to be too busy to see him, at least twice in that initial RTST period. Men are hunters, as my married auntie says. If you do not have anything to do, no matter how cute you are, then you will stay single. They need a chase! So get a life, quick!
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