One thing male bloggers brings to the table that’s different from regular men in society is we are vocal about our feelings and opinions about sex, dating and relationships. Most men just don’t talk much. I don’t get it. There are men who just don’t believe in talking to other men, but that has nothing to do with their girlfriend or wife. Those men just don’t talk to anyone. If you don’t use your abilities, you will lose them. I’m sure that we would all like to believe that if we had to speak up we could. But you will forget how, if you never practice. It’s doesn’t matter if your boyfriend never likes talking about your relationship; past, present or future. He still has to.
First important step to getting him to open up is avoiding those phrases that make him shut down or lie through their teeth. I shouldn’t have to tell you, but the phrase, “We need to talk,” is the worst thing you can say to a man. He just climbs into a shell and refuses to come out. Do not say this to him before or after sex. This is when men get extremely sexually frustrated or they are liable to lie straight through their teeth. I, Personally, do not have relationship conversation while riding in a car. There’s something about not being able to get away that just causes me to become irritable.
Figure out how your boyfriend communicates and learns. People communicate and learn differently, through visuals, communication, and reading. (Keep in mind, this is not about getting your boyfriend to learn how to express himself in the way that you think a man should. You just want him to express himself.) If your boyfriend is not good at talking, it might be a good idea to write him a letter. Sometimes, watching a movie helps me realize a flaw in my relationship or something that I may be doing wrong. Try different mediums of communicating.
Do a self assessment of yourself. A lot of times men feel that whatever they say will inevitably lead to an argument or him being attacked. If he typically says things like, “Don’t scream at me” replying, “I’m not screaming at you,” is counterproductive. And, if you usually open up discussions about an issue you have with him by asking him about your relationship, realize that you’re never going to get him to open up about anything.
Natasha: What do you think about our sex life?
Joe: I think it’s fine. I mean, we both have hectic schedules so it’s not as much as it used to be.
Natasha: I know. That’s what I was thinking. Why are you always so tired that you can’t make love to me?
Joe: [mumbles to himself, “Not this again”]
However, be sure not to coddle or pacify your boyfriend. If you treat your baby like a baby, he will behave like a baby. Talk to him directly in an adult voice. Use his name and not pet names. If he gets irritable and refuses to communicate like an adult, stop trying and let him talk to you when he’s ready to act like an adult. Don’t be super nice, though. It will come across as though you want something, and men just get suspicious when our lady is being too nice.
To recap, please be nice to him. It’s not every day that you are going to get a man to open up to you about his feelings or about how he feels about your relationship. Make sure the reason you are not able to have this conversation is not because you aren’t in a position to. And lastly, try communicating on his medium of choice. As he becomes more comfortable in his area, he will start to be open to talking in your area. Open and healthy communication is the key to a great relationship. Seek it out and never refuse to keep trying.