This is not a defense of infidelity. Nor is it an examination into the reasons men and women cheat. This is an honest assessment of why women, for the most part, are rarely caught when they do cheat.
This is not about the mistress. We hear about the mistresses in the news all of the time, usually because they want to be known. At this moment I’m talking about the women in relationships, girlfriends or wives, who choose to creep but don’t get caught.
Why am I talking about this? In the wake of the Tiger Woods scandal one of my peers posed the question, “When was the last time we heard of a celebrity scandal involving a woman cheating?” You could hear crickets in the room. Yes, there was that Kelis rumor back in the spring and people speculated all day long about Faith Evans and Tupac but there was never any proof, and there damn sure weren’t any public confessionals. So why don’t women get caught? Here is what I think along with some personal insight from our good friend Phonte Coleman of Little Brother and The Foreign Exchange.
Reason #1: Women are smarter than men.
This isn’t a patronizing statement to try and get the women on my side. The fact is when it comes to stepping out women just think about things that men don’t. Where a dude will call his boy after the fact to say “Yo, son, if anybody asks where I was last night, I was with you” a woman will have it planned out days in advance with an airtight alibi.
Reason #2: Men don’t want to know
Some of my peers mistake this for men being more “trusting” than women, a theory I don’t necessarily believe. I think it’s more a case of naivite than trust. Men are the hunters. It just doesn’t’ occur to us that our woman could possibly be cheating on us. So even if reason #1 doesn’t apply and your girl has a drunken, spontaneous fling with the DJ from the boat ride, it’s the last thing we want to comprehend. She was out with the girls and that’s all we need to know.
Reason #3 Men don’t want YOU to know
And when I say YOU, I mean the world. Even in the face of irrefutable evidence and a woman is somehow caught, a man is less likely to go public because of his pride and ego.
“When a man is unhappy he cries in the dark,” says Phonte. “When a woman is unhappy, she makes a concerted effort to ensure that EVERYBODY around her is miserable.”
Could you imagine Michael Jordan getting cheated on by Juanita then having to face Larry Bird and Isaiah Thomas on the court? The trash talk would never end. If Kobe found out his wife had a threesome in Colorado do you think he’s leaking text messages to TMZ? Hell no.
“Men don’t get all RUNTELDAT when it comes to exposing their affairs,” Phonte expounds. “Take the Tiger Woods situation. Let’s flip the script and say it was a rich and powerful woman like Halle Berry or Oprah or some sh*t. Oprah been married for years.[Ed: Note, she never technically married Steadman, but we get what he means] one day she gets caught up f*ckin around with a side niggatoy. Do you think for one fucking second that ALL HER OTHER niggas are gonna come out on some, “well yeah, I was f*ckin Oprah too? ‘Made men don’t make statements’ (c) Hov If I was f*cking Oprah and her spot got blew up, a nigga like me is thinking of how to use that sh*t for leverage without puttin all our sh*t out there. So PERSONALLY..I’m hittin Oprah up from an undisclosed location on a blocked number like, “I’m so sorry for all the sh*t you’re going through. Just wanted to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about from me. I would never do you that way. If you need to talk, you know how to contact me.” MO MONEY! MO MONEY! MO MONEY! (c) damon wayans
Reason #4 Women Have More To Lose
Let’s face it: women are more forgiving than men. Men don’t even like the idea of their women sleeping with their friends BEFORE they’re together so God forbid they get stepped out on during the relationship. We’ll either leave or start cheating ourselves to justify it. Furthermore, if a woman steps out and becomes pregnant, far fewer men will stay with her and raise another man’s child, than the countless women who have remained in relationships with men after finding out they’ve gotten another woman pregnant. With consequences like this women typically take extra steps, precautions and are just more discerning overall with their sex partners.
Reason #5 The Average Man Doesn’t Want The Headache Of A Married Woman
“Granted, there are some niggas who don’t give a f*ck, but generally speaking? Nah.” declares Phonte. “Why? because he has no control over that situation. It’s one thing if *I’m* cheating. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that no matter what, come hell or high water, no matter how much I think I *love* this b*tch…..I’m not leaving home. A nigga will be on that good Ray Charles: “I’m not leaving my family.” And a man will do everything in his power to keep both lives separate.
Women on the other hand can be much more emotional and allow those emotions to cloud their judgment. If I’m f*cking a married woman, who’s to say that one day she won’t break down and decide to tell her husband everything? Or have a moment in church and she decides to “give her sins to the Lord” or some dumb sh*t?
And then you gotta deal with the potential of confrontation with her husband and I don’t know that nigga or what he might do. Ain’t nobody tryinna get shot over a piece of p*ssy.