Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been knowing this guy I’m seeing for about ten years. We meet when we were in high school. We always liked each other and messed around while we were in school. So, after we graduated we both went to different colleges. So, as time goes by, we run into each other again. So we immediately hit it off. He was so sweet and interested in my life. We just started talking and catching, getting to know each all over again. Then he told me that he need some help moving and he was two hundred dollars short, so I helped him. So, after a while he began asking me for money and lots of it. He has a job, but always wants to spend my money.
Then I asked him since we’ve been talking for about a year why won’t he gal me, and he tells me that he’s not ready for a relationship. Then he tells me the only way he will gal me is if I give him a certain amount of money. He told me that if I gave him that then it proves that I really love him and is down for him. So, I gave it to him and then he started treating me worse than he already was. Then I told him that I couldn’t give any more money. Then threatened me by saying if I don’t give it to him then he won’t ever talk to me again. Then he tells me that he can find another girl who will do what I won’t. Then he only calls me if he wants money, but tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me. I don’t know what to do, but I love this dude. I want to know is he just using me or what? I really need some advice. – I’m So Lost I Need To Be Found
Dear Ms. I’m So Lost I Need To Be Found,
Lean forward and get real close to the computer screen. Closer. Closer. Closer. I’m going to smack the –ish out of you! Chile, I swear whatever college education you received they must have had a special – buy one degree, get one free and you were the get one free. Because clearly you are lacking education, street, and common sense.
I’m going to get to the point because whatever –ish you’re smoking, you need to stop it today and do a spiritual, nutritional, and mental cleanse. I hate to say that you are a lost cause but, darling, you clearly have something missing in your head.
Here’s the thing: No man, especially a grown ass man who is able-bodied and has a job, should be asking a woman for money. No man, and clearly a real man, would not even think to ask a woman for money and he is working and holding his own. Now, read this slow because I know it takes you a minute to figure things out, but do you think you should be giving him money and you’re not his woman? But, more importantly, if he has a job, and you’re a hard-working woman, do you think you should be cashing your check and giving him your money? (Think about it. Think about it. Think about it).
Now, I’m from the old school of thought and what I know about a man who is taking money from a woman and they are having sex, well, Ms. Thing, he is called a gigolo. And, I actually have a chapter in my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND, that is titled appropriately as so, Money Can Buy Sex, But Not Love: Gigolos Get Lonely Too! You need to buy my book, read that chapter, and the many other chapters dedicated to naïve, gullible, and thirsty women like yourself. Yes, darling, you are thirsty. You got a long straw sipping on this man’s love juices. Sitting up here letting this man use you, berate you, and demean you. Your so-called friend, because he is not your man, nor is he a friend because a friend wouldn’t be so vile and trifling to do what he is doing to you, is a gigolo. You are paying for sex. Yes, ma’am. You are giving him money on HIS conditions which are, “If you love me, then you will do this. Or, I’ll marry you, if you give me money.” That fool is a pimp! Yes, a P-I-M-P! And, you, my dear, is his ho. Only hoes and prostitutes give their money to their man.
Chile, I refuse to go any further because you are a wretched mess, and he’s even a bigger mess in pimping you the way he does, and your clown looking self thinks she has a good man. I know you do because you keep giving him money with the hopes that he will be your man one day, and that one day he will marry you. Chile, you got to be the dullest crayon in the box. I swear you’re working my nerves with this nonsense.
MS. THING! Think about it. Every time he comes to you asking for money, and you tell him that you can’t, then he tells you how it’s over, or he wants you to prove yourself to him. Your dumb ass does it and he treats you worse. Where’s my belt with the brass buckle ‘cause I’m going to hit you in the face with it.
Look, Ms. I’m So Lost I Need To Be Found, you need a wake-up call and I’m ringing the bell. And, it’s not that bell you hear in the mental ward for folks like you who have lost their minds. He has told you that he doesn’t want to be in relationship. Then guess what that means, boo boo, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and especially not with you. He asks you for money and you willingly give it to him, girl, I am smacking the –ish out of you again, and this time I drew way back and reached from behind, and I hope it knocks your wig to the side. Stop giving him money!!!! He is not going to ‘gal’ you. And what the hell is that nonsense, ‘gal’ you? Folks, I tell you that education is the key to everything, but if you’re not paying attention in school and you’re skating by, you will be walking around saying, ‘gal me.’ WTF! Moving on. And, since that rat-bastard has told you that what you won’t do some other woman will, well, look here Pimping, you can go get another woman to do it because this ATM is shut down. Let him know that you’re out of business, the bank is closed, there are no more withdrawals, and if and when he is ready to settle down and be a man, and he is coming up off some money and making some deposits, then you will entertain a conversation. But there will be no more finance, romance, or any other –ance. It’s a wrap. It’s over. BOO-YAH! So, girl, get yourself together and stop breaking this fool off with your hard-earned money. You work too hard and too damn long to be giving it to somebody who is not even your man! Honey, take that money and start treating yourself to some manicures, pedicures, and get yourself a better wig other than the one sitting on the top of your head. Looking like boo boo the fool’s momma. Learn your value and your self-worth. You’re too valuable and too smart to be letting a man run this game on you and you’re not hipped to the game. Chile, you better stop playing with this fool before you end up broke, penniless, and with bad credit. It’s only a matter of time before you start putting things in your name for him. Girl, let me go before I smack the –ish out of you again! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!