Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am a 46-year old white woman who met a guy on line. He is 28 or 29 years old. On our first night out we went bowling and made out after. I didn’t speak to him until several weeks later. I went to his place. We had wild passionate sex for hours. He then went out of town to a family reunion in Jersey. I didn’t call him or text him because he was with family. The day he was at the airport on his way home he texted me to come to his place at 8 pm. I said maybe, he said, “no maybe’s I want to see you.” We texted back and forth for a while but I never committed to going to his place. At one point I told him that I was thinking about having him come to my house, but that I needed to make sure no one was there (meaning my grown kids who drop in regularly).
Needless to say, he texted back saying, “my flight has been delayed in NC due to weather.” I didn’t hear from him again, until about noon the next day when I texted to say that I hope he made it back alright. He said yes he did, but that he got in really late. I texted him back to say, “better late than never” and he didn’t respond. I waited about 45 minutes and still no response so I asked if everything was alright and he didn’t respond. I then said, “why do I get the feeling you’re either married or you have a girlfriend or something?” He said, “wrong feeling.” I then said, “then what?” He wouldn’t answer. I sent one last text saying, “I assumed you no longer want to see me so I will let you go. I just want you to know that whatever it is I said or did to make you angry or upset was not done intentionally. I would never purposely hurt or make anyone angry.” He texted me back to say, “I didn’t say all that, it’s just that I’m working right now and work has been very busy.” That was several hours ago and now it’s about 7pm and neither he nor I have texted or called each other.
So now I’m confused. Was this just a game for him? I was very hurt by this and I really wanted to get to know him more. I hadn’t slept with anyone since my divorce over three years ago. He has been the first. I’m not sure what I should do. I want to see him again but I won’t text him anymore and he is obviously not texting or calling me. – Should I Reach Out To Him
Dear Ms. Should I Reach Out To Him,
Ugh! SMDH! Ugh! SMDH! Ugh! I don’t get all this texting back and forth when you simply could have dialed him up and had a conversation. Y’all folks wear me soooooo thin with all your texting conversations about your relationships instead calling the person and having a conversation. Is it really that difficult to talk with them and get the answers you need? I mean, really!?! Come the “F” on! You are a grown woman who is 18 years older than this man. Wait, Ms. Thing, you don’t even know how old he is, you said he is either 28 or 29-years old. Chile, I can’t do it. And, I won’t!
The man sent you a text saying he was at work and it was a busy night. I mean, is that hard to comprehend. Perhaps he was truly busy. Perhaps things got so hectic at work that he didn’t have time to have a full-length textual conversation with you. But, this is what wears me out. You asked him, via text, if he was married or had a girlfriend? So, before you slept with him, you didn’t think to ask those questions? Your hot ass just jumped….let me stop before I say something you’ll regret.
It’s time for me to drop another memo on y’all –ishes!
MEMO: TO EVER’BODY WHO MEET SOMEONE ONLINE, HAVE SEX ON THE SAME NIGHT, AND EXPECT A RELATIONSHIP
If you meet some online and the only thing you know about them is their first name, or screen name. Then you are a trick, whore, slut, and deserve what you get. No man is going to claim you as his woman, or that you have a relationship after he got the skins on the first night, and from online. Get the “F” out of here!
If you meet someone online and you sleep with them on the first night and they ask to come back, then that means the sex was good, but other than that, you are still a trick, whore, slut, and deserve what you get. No man is going to make you his woman, nor can you start asking, “Do you have a girlfriend, or wife, and what does this mean between us?” It’s just sex. You are a jump-off. Stay in your place, and know your lane.
If you meet someone online and after you’ve had sex with them a few times, you start catching feelings because you’re texting and calling one another, uhm, boo boo, you’re still a trick, slut, whore, and deserve what you get. If he is not taking you out on dates, in public, or introducing you to his family and friends, and you don’t know where he works or lives, you are just a side piece. You’re his jump-off.
And, please stop emailing me letters about someone you met online and they were hyping themselves up to be all this and that, and you fell for the ole okey-doke. No man is going to be in a relationship with a woman he met online and had sex with the same day. Stop giving up your goodies. I mean come on ladies. Be smarter, wiser, and use better judgment. Most men, not all, are online hunting. They are scouring the internet looking for vulnerable, lonely, desperate, and easy women who they can prey on. And, stop thinking you don’t fall in one of these categories, because if you’re online looking, and you meet a man and start communicating with him, and the next thing you know he is over YOUR house, then you are one of these women in those categories. And stop thinking,” He’s not like every other guy I’ve met.” Or, “I made him wait before we had sex, and now he has stopped calling and texting me.” And, “He’s seems cool, and we have so much in common.” Really? Really, sweetie?
Now back to you, Ms. Should I Reach Out To Him, look at your timeline. The first time you had sex with him, it took several weeks before you two reconnected. Yeah, uhm, if he was into you, then you think it would have taken that long before he got back to you? And, then you’re having textual conversations with him about a relationship you two obviously don’t have. Are you 16-years old? Ugh! Let this be a lesson learned. He got what he want, and you obviously got what you wanted – wild passionate sex. He banged you so good, chile, you can’t even think straight. And, he knows you’re sprung and he is like, “She’s older than me and acting younger than me with all these text messages and bull-ish.” I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Move on, find you someone who is age appropriate, and someone who is able to communicate without the guessing game. Stop being naïve and childish. Grow up, get some self-esteem, and realize this was a foolish error. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
How many of you have met someone online, had sex with them, and they stopped responding to your texts or calls?
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!