Recently I was reading through some of the most commented articles on this website, and what I noticed, (as many have before me), is that inter-racial dating, is a big topic of discussion, with very definite points of view. Just two articles alone, ‘Why is ‘interracial’ such a sensitive term for some black women’ and ‘Jill Scott on interracial dating: we should hold onto our culture’ have so far received over 980 comments.
I’m not trying to stoke the flames about who we should or shouldn’t date, my question is, why is inter-racial dating such a big issue anyway? Does every decision we make need to be viewed racially?
America prides itself on being the ‘land of the free’, with free choice and free speech being applauded. A lot of the comments to a recent article about arranged marriage, highlighted that the problem with arranged marriage is that there is perceived to be no free choice by the couple. However, it seems that, exercising the free choice to choose whatever partner you want to spend your life with, is met with contention by some quarters. And it’s not because their prospective partner is a criminal, or a dead beat dad, or someone who treats others badly. No, it’s because of what they look like. How come we as a society can be so against arranged marriage, but then criticize someone who exercises free choice to date someone of a different race?
Another point I have noticed is that if you are a black man choosing to date a white woman, or vice versa, or if you are for inter-racial dating, then you tend to be considered anti-black, and a traitor. There is no gray area. Why is that?
From a lot of the comments I have read, it seems that there is a lot of stereotyping and generalizations about men and women who date people of different colors. For example ‘every white woman wants a cute mixed baby from men who should be off limits to them’, ‘these black males are self-hating’ and ‘once white women have a black baby, no one else, but a black man will want them’. It perplexes me as to why, in the 21st century, these attitudes still exist. Who I choose to date doesn’t reflect upon all other women, and even if the men I date are all morons, that doesn’t mean that all men are morons nor does it automatically mean that I should only date women from now on. It’s ridiculous to think that every woman who dates a black man, is doing it to upset their family, or to believe that every man who dates a white woman is doing so because they are ashamed of their race.
People don’t fall in love with a person because of their color, but because of their personality. Weren’t we all told as children not to judge a book by it’s cover, and it’s what’s inside that counts? If my brother wants to be with a white girl, an asian girl, or a black girl, and he’s happy with them, and they treat him well, then why should it even bother me? I have two very close friends of mine Chrissy (a white girl) and Ross (a black guy), who have been dating for a couple of years. They were both my friends before they started dating and I can’t see why my opinion of them should change now that they are together. If they are both happy, and the relationship is healthy, then why do I even get an opinion on it?
I have tried to set friends up on blind dates, and had the same done for me, but none have worked out too well. One girl named Brigid who we tried to set my friend up with, and who we thought was perfect for him, turned out to be the stalker kind. The person might have been, on paper at least, perfect, but you can’t make someone fall in love, just because you think it would work out.
My point is, although you may not find certain people desirable, that don’t mean someone who does is wrong, or that they are trying to sabotage their race’s chances of being happy, for people date who makes them happy, regardless of race. We were all raised to believe that color is no boundary or limitation to anything, and everyone is equal. So why do we feel the need to put a racialized slant on dating?