Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I meet a guy leaving work one morning he offered me a ride since we were having an ice storm, his convo was great, we talked in his car for almost an hour, and we kissed. I don’t know why but it felt right so we kissed again. We spoke on the phone when I was in the house. He also texted me after I texted him 2 days later but now it’s been like a week and he hasn’t called. Why? – He Hasn’t Called Me
Dear Ms. He Hasn’t Called Me,
SMDH! You are simple silly ass trick. Girl, you better be playing with me! As a matter of fact, I don’t have time for children’s games. I’m really giving you the side eye right now. You met a guy leaving work and got into his car with him, without knowing him or his background. Then you sat in the car with him, kissed him not once, but twice. You don’t know if he just finished eating out his girl, or some other random girl, and you put your mouth on him, and put your tongue down his throat. Nasty ass heifer. You’re just common. I bet a dude can take you to McDonald’s or Burger King for dinner and you’ll give him some of your ill na-na because he got your simple ass a meal. And, lawd, don’t let the man take you to Applebee’s or Red Lobster. Then you’re ready to take it in the butt, and are willing to swallow all of his juices. SMDH!
Now, you’re asking me why he hasn’t called you after week. Uhm, you do the math sweetheart. If you’re so damn eager to jump into a stranger’s car, kiss him, and start feigning for him and you barely know him, then why the HELL do you think he hasn’t called you? You fast ass women and your no brains work my last nerves. He is not going to call you. And, he is not going to hit you up until he wants some of your punany. So, you can sit in your house watching the phone, and hope you will run into him again on the streets if you want to. That man ain’t thinking about you, or trying to have a relationship with you. He sees you as some easy tail that he can get anytime he wants. Trust and believe he will call you with some lame excuse, “Oh, I had to help my momma with some things and I got caught up.” Or, “I had to go out of town for work and I couldn’t check my phone.” And, “I lost my phone, and I just got it back.” LMBAO! Girl, get some tact, some class, and some dignity. I really need to open a charm school for you hood rats and non-etiquette BASIC broads. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I am just looking for some advice. Here’s my story I met a man 3 1/2 years ago on a dating site. He was going through a divorce at the time. He is a very sweet, loving, kind, generous man and he treats me better than any man I have been involved with. I have grown to love this man and he has told me that he loves me as well. Our relationship is drama free! Here’s the kicker he is in love with someone else. Apparently he had a brief affair with another woman during his marriage and this was what really pushed him to file for the divorce. He was married for 25 years and had never been with another woman until this woman approached him. For some reason he fell in love with her after they had sex (which is what he said) yeah I know. Anyway the woman that he had the affair with is married to a wealthy older man. She has promised him since 2006 that she was going to leave her husband so they can be together of course it hasn’t happened yet. He continues to hold on to the idea that she is leaving and it’s going to happen soon. Mine you he has his own wealth and as I said he has been very generous with his funds to the point of purchasing a house for me. But he just can’t get this woman out of his head, because she is always in it. She’s his hair dresser. I’ve told him on numerous occasions that she is just telling him what he wants hear. Here recently I found out that he had had sex with her. What’s a girl to do? – Should I Stick Around
Dear Ms. Should I Stick Around,
So, you got a man who is taking care of you financially, and physically. He’s in love with another woman, but you are benefitting from the relationship. I’m sorry, what’s the problem here? Oh, I see, you want to be in a committed relationship with him, but he loves another woman. SMDH!
Here we go with this, “Sharing The D**K” Syndrome, and, “I’m willing to share a man so long as I have a piece of a man.” You have got to be the dumbest and most silliest woman in your neighborhood. The man bought you a house. He is taking care of you financially. Girl, milk him until you find another man, and when you do then let him go and move on! See how simple that is.
Oh, I get it. You want him to yourself because you don’t want the other woman to have him. So, you’re going to stick around and duke it out til the end and you are the victor. Well, uhm, Ms. Stuck On Stupid, he is not going to give his heart or self to you. He is in love with the other woman. You can’t change him, make him see you’re the better woman, or love him with all your might and make him leave the other woman. IT AIN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.
Enjoy the financial rewards like VISA and stop complaining. Do you, like he is doing him. You are the dumbass for sticking around with a man who is sleeping with a married woman. You truly are BASIC! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve got a problem. I’ve been with this man for ten years and seven of those years I’ve been trying to figure out how to leave. Now I know the first thing to say is just leave, but it’s not that simple. When we first got together he had a girlfriend and at the time I was just doing me. Really didn’t care that he had one. As time went things got more serious. And we eventually ended up together after about two years. Well at first everything was GREAT. I felt I had found the ONE. We ended up moving in together. After about a year everything seemed to change. The things that I thought we had in common we don’t. Don’t get me wrong I care for this man but am not in love with him. I’ve thought of leaving several times but can’t find the nerve to. Might sound crazy but don’t want to hurt him. What should I do? – Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place
Dear Ms. Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place,
Chile, I can’t today. This is why I’m lumping all of you BASIC ASS WOMEN together with your BASIC ASS QUESTIONS.
You people really make things worse and more difficult than they really are. If, for seven years, you’ve been trying to figure out a way to leave and you haven’t, then boo boo guess what, obviously you don’t want to leave.
It does not take seven MF’ing years to figure out how to leave someone. Girl, miss me and go sit in the corner with your big ass head against the wall.
You truly are stuck between a rock and a hard place and it’s your empty big head with that too tight weave squeezing on your skull. Take that damn fake synthetic cow tail off and then hopefully you will get some sense and motivation to leave. Pack your –ish, tell him you’re not in love, and move out. What’s the big deal with doing that? What’s so difficult about creating an exit plan of stacking your money, getting an apartment some place, and getting your garbage bags filled with your clothes and run-over shoes? Chile, stuff those fake Louis, Gucci, and Coach purses you bought from the gas station, or beauty salon, and move out.
You’re talking about you don’t want to hurt him, girl, I just want to drag you by that fake pony tail and toss you into your green Dodge Neon with the baby shoes on the rear view mirror, and the passenger side door that doesn’t open, and drive you to the edge of the cliff.
Why are you making yourself miserable, and him, if you don’t want to be in the relationship? UGH! And, then you want to complain about how unhappy you are. How miserable your life is, and he keeps holding you back. Girl, ooooohhhhh, I want to punch you in the kneecaps and straighten out your bow-legged limp. Do both of you a favor and push the gas peddle. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!