Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m married with 4 kids. The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 1 years old. And, I’m so stressed out. My husband doesn’t work. I hustle. I used to dance but I quit because I fell in love. I’m not cheating nor have I ever cheated. But, I’ve been secretly texting my old connect and have been sniffing behind my husband back what do I do? – Sniff Or Stay
Dear Ms. Sniff Or Stay,
How does that saying go, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” Uhm, yeah, I got you, boo!
And, based on your letter I can tell you have a hustler’s mentality. You’re not used to being settled down and being confined. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that you thought that you wanted to settle down, and you figured a different lifestyle is what you wanted so you got married, fell in love, and now you’re raising a family. You’ve tried it, and it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. So, that old itch is returning. The itch of wanting to be independent, hustling hard in those streets (In my Ace Hood voice).
Your husband is not making it rain like he used to. Don’t you hate it when dudes come in the strip club ballin’ out of control tossing money left and right, buying out the bar, and flossing with their jewels, but when you really get to know them you find out he really ain’t got –ish, in debt, can’t manage his money, live in his momma basement sleeping on a cot or twin sized-bed, and leasing his car from the lot up the street. Thought you picked a winner when he asked you to marry him, but he was running game on you and look at you now…look at you now…ain’t getting’ paper (In my Chris Breezy voice).
Chile, he promised you the world, and instead you got 4 kids, empty promises, and you’re still waiting on your 40 Acres and A Mule. Honey, get in line. And, your husband doesn’t turn you on sexually like he used to. He stopped performing those tricks of doing hand stands and picking you up and walking around with you on his waist because it’s only so many times you can entice him by putting a beer bottle up your snatch, or cue ball and spitting it out. And, his ambition and drive is in park and you’re in 4th gear zooming down the highway.
You still dream of that pole and twirling and doing acrobatic stunts, dancing on stage shaking your ass and ta ta’s watching men drool and yearn for you. You imagine the dollar bills stuffed in your crotch-less panties and all around you on the floor. You miss making your left cheek and right cheek bounce in men’s faces. Ms. Booty Pop! Awwww, the days of dark clubs and horny men. I know your p***y is itching right now. You’re like a crack fiend just scratching and walking around in circles mumbling to yourself.
Now, after you’ve been sniffing behind your husband’s back secretly texting your old connect, you want to ask me what to do? Girl, slap yourself! What the hell is an “old connect” anyway? Is he a former trick, booty call, or ex boyfriend? Please explain that to me. Is he someone who can help you get back into the game that you so desperately wanted to escape from, but your body’s calling for that g-string and 12-inch hooker pumps?
Please explain to me why women who “used to dance” think falling in love will change them and make them stop doing what is so natural for them? Please explain to me why if you’re married, made vows to be with your husband for better or worse, and when it gets worse, you’re already tricking the p***y out to the next highest bidder? Please explain to me why you won’t talk with your husband and see how you two can rectify the situation, and perhaps, seek some counseling, and lawd knows you need it. Because you haven’t resolved the issues that are deeply rooted within you, and the problem is twofold. One, you’re committed to the belief that you are a survivor. A hustler. And, two, you’re a freak.
You see, when you are a survivor, you always think and feel that everything you do is about surviving. Your instincts and gut will tell you that when a situation is bad, it’s time to do what’s best and, what you’ve always known to do in difficult times, and that is survive. You have to look out for you, and before the situation gets worse you devise a plan that will help you get out of your situation despite the consequences and people who it may hurt.
Think about it. I’m sure you will tell me that you danced because you had to do what, trick? Survive. You didn’t have any money, and to make a living you had to do what, p***y popper? Survive. And, in order to eat, pay your bills, and save some money, you had to do what, ass jiggler? Survive.
You are a survivor. You probably love Mary J. Blige’s songs. That’s your girl! I can see you now with your acrylic multi-colored nails waving in the air, your big ass lacefront with blonde highlights swinging back and forth, and tight camel-toe jeans on with no panties.
And, you’re a freak because it takes a special person to get on stage, take their clothes, dance and shake their ass in front of men, spread their cooch, let men play and look at it, be fondled, and not feel disgusted. Not saying you didn’t, but you got some pleasure and joy out of it, and I don’t think any woman is waking up this morning saying to herself, “F**K this working hard and being independent and earning money from sitting at a job where I can possibly grow in the company. I can just go to the strip club and make me some fast money by letting men gawk and feel all over my body.” Please show me by a raise of hands how many of you women woke up this morning and had that thought? If that is you, then you are a FREAK!
Listen, Ms. Sniff Or Stay, you’ve already kicked into a gear that I’m not even going to attempt to ride with. You’re Fast and Furious. But, if you slow down and do some introspection you will get to the root of your issues that plague you. I suggest some counseling, read some self-help books (Iyanla Vanzant; TD Jakes; Terrie Williams; and Joel Osteen). Leave that other man alone. It will only bring you bigger troubles, and bigger hassles. It’s not worth it. I also suggest you get into marriage counseling with your husband. He needs to hear how you feel, what you’re thinking, and why you’re thinking it. Don’t leave him in the dark. It’s unfair to him, and yourself, to make a move and he hasn’t been afforded the opportunity to make any adjustments or rectify the problem. And, find an alternate way to express your freak-a-leak self, and issues. I’m sure you can think of something ingenious, you’re a hustler, remember? But, I gather you don’t want to hear that. You want to get out there and sling your ass on the next man’s pole (Doo-Doo Brown in my Luther Campbell voice). – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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