My fiancee surprised me the other day. After the wedding postponement and all of that, our therapist thought it might be valuable if my fiancee and I attended individual sessions with her in addition to the joint sessions. Makes sense to me. My fiancee has scheduled her sessions. I have not. I don’t have 100 bucks a session to give to the therapist right now in addition to our payments for the joint sessions. My fiancee understands this, thankfully. She offered to let me share one of her sessions (30 minutes for her, 30 minutes for me). I declined, and she didn’t complain. She then told me that if I changed my mind they’d be there at a designated time. I didn’t go. I have to tell you… I stressed the whole night thinking about what was going to happen – how she was going to respond to me not being there. I just knew she was going to tell me I wasn’t committed to us. Guess what… She didn’t. When I spoke to her after the session, she was cool. She was cool!!! Wow… No argument. No “I’m mad at you but I’m not telling you why” voice. Just cool.
One of the reasons I’ve always been thankful for our relationship is that it used to be in a place where we were always just cool. You know how you see those old couples who have stopped arguing with each other because they know it’s futile? They have just come to know who the other is and accept it. We used to be like that. I mean we argued so little I asked her once if something was wrong with us because we didn’t argue. I wondered aloud if that meant our relationship didn’t have any real passion. It wasn’t that. We had harmony. We were in harmony like the doo-wop band that sings in Grand Central Station (if you haven’t seen them, trust me – they’re in harmony).
Harmony is underappreciated in relationships. Sex? We all love it. Nice conversation? Sounds good. Passion? Yeah, we’ll take three scoops of some passion. Conflict? Sure, sprinkle some on the passion. Harmony? Nobody wants any of that. It’s boring. Harmony is the guy who gets dumped because he’s too nice. Sooner or later (usually in their late 30s or early 40s) women go looking for the nice guy because they realized he was the one who would have treated them right. No one values harmony until it’s too late.
Could my fiancee’s response have been the beginning of harmony making its way back into our relationship? Lord knows, I hope so. I’m not one to go around missing dudes, but I miss that guy. He really did treat us right – helping us appreciate each other, love each other and just be cool with each other.
Time will tell whether he’s here to stay. We shall see. Word to the wise: if you’ve got some harmony in your life, hold on to it and cherish it. As for me… I just ordered a 10 pack of cowboy lasso rope off of ebay. I’m gonna hog-tie harmony down and keep him from running out on us again.
On The Scene 4/4-4/11