I try to practice forgiveness as much as possible. Not only does it align with my spiritual and moral convictions, but things just aren’t that deep! Through the years, I’ve endured my fair share of upsets and letdowns in relationships, whether by family, friend or boyfriend.
And at each of those given times, it hurt—sometimes to the point of tears and a physical heaviness in the heart. But eventually time healed the scars and I was able to move on completely. Not only could I go on with my life in peace, but I was also able to repair some of those relationships or at the very least, genuinely speak and be cordial if our paths crossed again. Some situations pained me more than others, but for the most part, I realized that most of them just weren’t that deep!
One of my former good friends tried to get at my college boyfriend multiple times through Facebook. Of course our friendship ended and I made sure to let her know that with a regular rolling of the eyes and sucking of the teeth whenever I saw her. But that was then. We were freshman in college. I’d be absolutely foolish, immature and pathetic to still hate her over something so trivial that happened nearly seven years ago. I’m completely over it, as I should be, and I even invited her out with my crew the last time I visited home. I’m not saying that you have to go as far as to (re)befriend your now enemies, but learn to forgive them and cleanse your heart of any ill feelings you have towards them. You owe that to your own peace of mind!
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One of the biggest reasons I feel like people hold on to old drama is that they aren’t fulfilled. Once you’re truly satisfied with your life and you find joy in the activities that comprise it, you don’t have the time or desire to hang on to negative things of the past. You discover that life is way bigger than the homegirl who tried to get at your boo or the BFF who lied on you.
When I saw some of my friends and acquaintances still tripping about high school and college drama, I knew that I didn’t want that to be me. As a grown woman now working and living my dreams, the thought of still rolling my eyes at the girlfriend who backstabbed me or hating the boyfriend that cheated on me just doesn’t sit well with me. Not only is it very high school and reality-TV-esque, but it ages you physically and stresses you emotionally.
Even when misfortunes happen in your current life and the scabs are still a little fresh, try your hardest to let them go. Make a daily conscious decision to get over them so you’re not left to carry around the paralyzing burden of it. If you can’t allow the person that wronged you back into your personal life, which is totally okay, learn to forgive them by accepting what they did and moving on from it. When you look back on it, you’ll realize that in the broad scheme of things, that one instance was never that significant. If you’re anything like me, you may even forget why you were mad in the first place! Remember, it’s really not that deep!
In the meantime, if you’re one to hold grudges over petty things, try a few things to get more fulfillment out your everyday life. Nothing is ever worth your happiness and peace. The list of actual productive things you could be doing is endless:
1. Write down a list of goals and start actively trying to achieve them.
2. Volunteer some of your extra time doing a good deed.
3. Plan a little getaway.
4. Note your character weaknesses and try to work on them one-by-one.
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*This is not to minimize anyone’s painful experiences. I understand that some experiences are traumatic and the resulting pain is deeper than normal. In such instances, professional intervention is recommended.
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