It seems that yet another reality show marriage has bit the dust.
Kordell Stewart — the former Pittsburgh Steelers star — has filed for divorce from his reality star wife Porsha Williams.
According to the divorce docs, Kordell says the marriage is “irretrievably broken” … and claims the two are currently separated.
Generally speaking, no couple breaks up over one issue. In this case, regardless of his issues (which are rumored to be many, including questions about his sexuality and him having control issues), it seems to me that Porsha may have put too many of her eggs in the wrong basket. Perhaps this man could take care of her financially, but emotionally, that’s another story. This is a story that I’ve seen far too often with women, myself included.
Unfortunately for Porsha, it seems Kordell also believes he shouldn’t have to pay a single cent in spousal support … claiming, “[She’s] an able-bodied person, earning income and is capable of supporting herself.”
Personally, every time that I looked at Porsha, I saw more than her pretty eyes, more than a blank stare, but I saw a young woman who looked lost and a little sad behind her smile.
Perhaps I recognized the latter part because I too married when I was very young, right out of college, graduating from Howard University. On a recent interview about my book, “Touch Yourself, 30 Ways to Boldly Live, Love and Let Go!” I was asked, “Why did you get married so young and when you had doubts?” My response was, “because I was afraid not to. I was looking for love and security. I had big dreams, but I was very fearful to face the world by myself…” I sense that same spirit in Porsha.
She’s like a pretty lost puppy who needed to find herself before getting married. She is also a singer and has dreams that her husband doesn’t seem willing to let her pursue. Perhaps he was a security choice for her so she didn’t have to face the world alone. Now she must face her truth. Grown up time.
If I could give her some advice, it would be from this excerpt from my book:
“Too often women don’t choose themselves. Because of our desire to be loved, we feel obligated to take care of everyone else’s needs first in hopes that it will make them love us back. And when we do take the time that we want or need for ourselves, we still feel guilty about it. Further, when it comes to relationships, even if we articulate what it is that we want, too often we’ll settle for good enough. But guess what? Good enough is not good enough. And if you don’t feel that you’re good enough to fully have your heart’s desires fulfilled, no one else will either.
Are you attracted to someone who treats you like the queen that you are? If not, then acceptance for that lies within you. The more you treat yourself well, the more you will be drawn to those who do the same.
Many women are guilty of losing themselves within a relationship. We give our hearts and spirits over to the point beyond desire. When and if that relationship ends, you’re left trying to identify with yourself again; wondering “who am I?” Indeed, who are you?”
Porsha, I know that this is a difficult time in your life. Loss of love and having your pain being exposed publicly is both painful and embarrassing. Believe me. I understand. But little sister, this is a time for you to get “in touch” with yourself. Give yourself permission to live your life on your own terms unapologetically—Boldly, Live, Love and Let Go!
And that message goes to any person reading this. If the relationship that you’re in does not support you being your best self, then it is not the best relationship for you.
Deya “Direct” Smith, is a producer on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and host of Girlfriend FM & Beyond the Studio celebrity interviews. She is also the author of Touch Yourself, 30 Ways to Live, Love and Let Go (www.touchmebooks.com)! Deya is a life-style and inspirational speaker.