Athletes are good at a lot of things. Running, jumping, swimming, dribbling, passing, dunking… but the one area where they don’t particularly excel? Staying out of trouble. So theBVX made a list we know can help.
Seriously, there’s not a week passes that someone in the MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, or some other pro sports organization isn’t getting into trouble for something. Most recently, NFL quarterback JaMarcus Russell got arrested for possession of codeine syrup after police conducted a small raid on his home in Mobile, Alabama on Monday night. It’s just the latest thing that could jeopardize Russell’s once-promising career.
With all of that in mind, theBVX wants to help athletes stay out of trouble. So we put together a list of 10 rules that every athlete needs to know. Follow all of them and we guarantee that your mug shot won’t be the first thing people see on your Wikipedia page. Are you game?
Rule No. 1: Stay. Out. Of. The. Strip. Club.
The Offenders: Adam “Pacman” Jones, Vince Young, Stephen Jackson
The Reason: Did you know that, as a professional athlete, you’re 78 percent less likely to get arrested on any given night if you’re not at a strip club? Okay, so we made that up. But we’re pretty sure one like it does exist. Think about everything that could go wrong at a strip club; fights, assaults, shoot-outs. And that’s for people who aren’t rich. Stay out of the strip club and you’ll guaranteed to dodge these mishaps. Plain. And. Simple.
Rule No. 2: Don’t get married… until after you retire!
The Offenders: Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal
The Reason: As a pro athlete, you’re gonna spend days, weeks, months, even years at a time on the road. So while you might love your wife and think about her every time “Best I Ever Had” comes on, there’ll be a point when that love is tested. And if you’re not gonna see your wife much anyway, what’s the point of getting married? Skip the future alimony hearings, keep your money and wait until you’re done playing (both on and off the court) to settle down.
Rule No. 3: Unless you’re having sex — don’t stay strapped.
The Offenders: Gilbert Arenas, Plaxico Burress, Shaun Rodgers
The Reason: What is so hard about this, fellas? Guns are only going to get you into trouble. We understand that you are a target now that you’re making millions of dollars — but you’re also gonna be a target in prison if you get caught packing. Not guns on the inside homie. Stick to staying strapped in the bedroom, not the club. Word to Weezy.