The birth of a child can dramatically change the dynamics of a family – and its not always for the best. We know that disrupted nights, dirty diapers and feeding times can all be problematic in a family accustomed to its original routine, but some changes can be long term. Your baby’s daddy may hold some of the answers to a change in your family dynamics and it might be time for you to reflect on some his behaviors to find signs that you’re raising someone more than just your baby.
1. He Barely Noticed You Were Pregnant
Men can have some peculiar reactions to the pregnancy of their partners, many of which are most noticeable during the pregnancy of the first child.
Some of the men I know have some interesting ways of dealing with stress and anxiety. A complete emotional shut down and detachment from your emotional needs is one of those, and another is to almost complete avoid all recognition of your pregnancy.
There are also those who have no concept of the pain of a pregnancy and therefore don’t empathize. When a girl is pregnant, in need of some serious love and attention, this may be a sign of bad times ahead.
2. He Makes All The Petty Decisions, But Leaves The Hard Ones For You
To begin, let’s categorize some of the major daily decisions into ‘petty’ and ‘hard’.
Petty: Beef or chicken, Coke or Pepsi, take-out or eat-out, sex when he wants it or sex when you want it, TV or a DVD, etc.
Hard: Bay the bills late or feed your child tomorrow, make your girl work two jobs or get one for yourself, budget or save, rent or buy, Thanksgiving here or at your mother’s, another baby or time off the pregnancy trail, etc.
Once again a complete disinterest in daily household affairs could be a reflection a baby-like man. The real issue here is that more pressure falls on you to the point where you feel like a single parent.
3. His Mother Either Completely Worships The Ground You Walk On, Or Is Highly Critical Of You
Mothers can have a tremendous impact on the development of their sons, though many people would argue that men tend to follow in the paths of their fathers more so than their mothers. So if your man’s mother is around, take a closer look at the way she treats you and the way she may have raised him.
If your mother-in-law worships the ground you walk on, you may be giving your man too many of life’s comforts – just like she did when she raised him. That age-old desire of a mother for her son to find a woman to treat him right may have you trapped in your own worst nightmare as the woman that inherited this old lady’s son.
By contrast, your mother-in-law may also be extremely critical of you as a partner. Any level-headed mother could see in her children just where she went wrong. In this case she may have wanted more for her son, a woman to set things right for him after she lost the battle. It might be time to listen to what she’s complaining about to see if you can eliminate some problems between all parties involved.
4. You’ve Stopped Talking To Each Other
Like many of the above mentioned ‘signs’, this one comes accompanied with a range of other issues. If you and your man are no longer able to produce a serious conversation, albeit about the most trivial topic, your relationship may be in trouble.
Yelling at him about important family issues, and his lack of interest and motivation with raising your child are all problematic trends in a mother-father relationship. The fact that, once again, you’re doing all the ‘caring’ and decision making without his input is certainly something that needs addressing in order for you to not feel like your raising one child extra.
5. He’s A Fat Slob Who Has No Desire To Work Or Provide For His Family
It would be nice for all men to be like Will Smith or Barack Obama, and thank goodness some are. But the best, most efficacious sign for you to realize that you’re raising your baby’s daddy is when he is nothing but an obnoxious couch-potato with no interest in anything other than this evening’s sport telecast or balancing a can of beer on his unwashed hairy belly.