For the first time ever, the ex-wife of Swizz Beatz is revealing the whole truth and nothing but. In a candid two-part interview, Mashonda opens up to VIBE‘s Tracy Garraud about her past, present, and why she’s more resilient than ever.
I know it was very important for you to sit down with Alicia if she was going to be around your son. Safe to assume that happened?
When I wrote her that Twitter letter everybody wanted to say things like ‘Oh, what do you need to meet her for? It’s not her problem, it’s Swizz’s.” I’m like, ‘You have a kid, go through what I went through and then talk to me.’ I’m not having my son around anybody I don’t know. I don’t give a s*** who you are and how much money you have and what management he’s going to be under when he visits you. I need to see you and I need you to see how serious I am about him. And that’s what happened. We had to sit down, and I told her how I felt. I didn’t mention anything else, it was all about my son and it was fine after that. I’m not going sit and talk to [them] about what happened between the three of us. This is about my son.
How was Alicia’s demeanor?
She just listened.
Have you received an apology from either one of them yet?
No, because I honestly feel like they think they didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t care about their apology. As long as he’s a great dad to my son and she’s a good step-mom, they don’t have to worry about apologizing because they will never understand or care about the pain I went through… People feel that they are so happy and they are so in love, but what really happens is that real love does not come from a foundation when you hurt somebody else. Love does not happen like this. Love doesn’t involve hurt, lies, or destructing anybody else’s soul. READ MORE BELOW THE GALLERY!
If you were generously invited, would you attend their wedding?
No. Not out of malice, but because weddings are sacred. It’s just not my place. The only reason I went to his birthday party was because he invited me and I did that for myself. I needed to see them together for it to transfer. And I was like ‘Wow, this is real.’ We were still totally married…We had a divorce that was nowhere near final, but I just needed to see them in action for it to be real to me, and it was definitely real. After I got divorced maybe three weeks later I woke up and felt a weight removed. It was the first time I’d ever felt mentally free. And I sent him an email wishing him all the best in the world.
Did he reply back?
He did. He said, “Wow, thanks. Thank you.”
You mentioned there being infidelity prior to Alicia. What happened?
His older son Nasir was born while we were together. We were living together [and] I was pregnant at the time. I stressed so much because I found out [the other woman] was pregnant… it put me into pre-labor. I lost my baby in 2000 when I was five-and-a-half months. It was tragedy. Nothing compares to losing a child. That shit put me into a two-year depression, it took me six years to even try [having a baby] again. I was afraid. So not only did I lose my baby, but now I was waiting for this other woman to have hers.